Fill the Cup.

Fill The Cup
Table of Contents
1. Mickey Mouse Can’t Trick Me
2. I Can Pour Milk?
3. Regret
4. Elaine Sayaphupha Ma
5. Lalala

Mickey Mouse Can't Trick Me.

She tells me all of the time that Mickey Mouse is waiting for me. My dad gets the weekdays and sometimes I see my mom on the weekends. Every time I do, Mickey Mouse always follows me around. The thought of him makes me cringe.   I am forced to decide my fate according to him. My mother looks at me for a long time, “What do you want to do?” I sat watching Cartoon Network, the thoughts of living with her in Disneyland was overwhelming for such a small child as I. Of course I wanted to go to the place where dreams came true but at the same time I didn't want to leave my dad. I figured that she didn't really live in Disneyland, just someplace near it. But she said that if I did live with her, I would see Mickey Mouse everyday. I realize now that Mickey Mouse can't trick me.

  

I Can Pour Milk?

“Come on you can do it” My father encourages me as I tilt the milk carton towards the cup. My sister too watches me in hopes that I succeed. Slowly the milk rushed into the cup and I made sure not to let the carton slip. Grasping tightly to the handle, I filled the cup to the top. I can pour milk.

My dad and sister encourage me in all of my dreams. At age 5 I learned how to read. At age 8 I kicked my first soccer ball. At age 10 I watched my dad and sister cheer me on in the stands as I scored another goal. At age 14 I still see my dad and sister at the dining room table cheering me on as I pour a glass of milk into a different cup, one that is endless, one that never gets full until my family stops supporting me. At age 48 the cup is still not full.

Regret

Rose Mavu, a brave woman that now carries the last name of her second husband. The woman that has been in my life countless of times, but that’s the way I see it. Rose, the woman that missed out on her children’s childhood and has many years to make up. Rose.

An hour was all it took to fly down to Southern California for a soccer tournament. I play on a Class I soccer team that competes nationally. Instead of staying in a hotel with the rest of my team I stay at Rose’s house. She buys me everything I want. Almost everything. Money can’t buy the experience of having a mother can it? She left when I was two, my sister six. I never hated her for it because I had my father make up for all of the missed memories. I can tell she regrets leaving us and I understand why she had to do it. The last time she’s seen me play soccer was when I was nine and playing for a recreational team. It was boring to her. Five years later she realizes what she missed out on.

The whistle blows and she takes sips out of her coffee mug. The cup a bright blue reflects off of the sunlight. A ball rolls towards me and I pick it up, I shout to my teammates to push up and then punt it as far as I could. She is amazed. It was only a kick wasn’t it? I did not even do anything special. She is amazed.

Every little touch I had on the ball was followed by the cheering of Rose. Five years ago she sat on the sideline of my soccer game with no expression whatsoever. Now it’s a different story. Her eyes bulge out whenever I dive for the ball, she tells me to be careful.

At the end of the game she is stunned. In her head I can tell that she regrets missing out on watching me play. She regrets passively watching my other game five years ago because now I play at a different level. Rose regrets not being able to experience the growth I had made since the last time she watched me.

Rose, my mother; regrets not being in my childhood.  She understands that phone calls and visits every now and then weren’t enough. She takes another sip from her cup as tears puddle in her eyes. I love my mother and I understand why she had to leave. I have no hate towards her because in the end I know she is my mother.

Elaine Sayaphupha Ma

 She treats me as if I was her own child, even though I know I'm not. At the age of 9 she was already forced to watch over me since my dad had to work overtime. I can tell she wishes that she was as lucky as I. Hanging out with friends was never easy for her since I was always around to watch. Elaine never complained. Now that she is in college, I can tell she's happier since I'm not there to worry about. Now she can take her own road in life instead of dreading the path of mine. Whatever I wanted I got, whatever she wanted it always had to get questioned. She tells me that it's okay and that she didn't mind watching over me. But I know she did. My sister can't re-do what she missed in the past and for this my cup is still not filled.

Go clean your room, how many times do I have to tell you this she says. I’m sorry god you don’t have to yell at me for everything. You’re so disrespectful and all you care about is yourself. It’s not fair. You get everything that you want. Why can’t I have my own life? Why can’t I hang out with my friends like you do? It’s not fair that I have to watch over you all of the time. I turn back to my room and start picking my clothes off of the ground.

Lalala

Some people in the world have it hard. I see an old women everyday on the bus wearing the most jewelry and fancy clothes that she can wear, but it seems like she is still unhappy. It seems like she regrets what happened during her life and wishes she can change things. At the same time, she is a beautiful old lady and I can see that all she wants is for someone to love her. She’s always stressed out. Her mopped hair highlights the wrinkles on her face. Sometimes I wish there was something I could do to help but I can’t. The lady continues to sit on the bus with her hands clasped and her jewelry clinking with every swift move of the bus.